Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
