just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
