I can text with my tongue
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
