I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
