we made out on top of his cat.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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