Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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