Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
