grandma shit on top of the toilet
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
