I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
