You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
