So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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