youre lurking in front of me
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
