my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
