but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
