Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
