He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
