remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
