We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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