I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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