we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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