How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
