so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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