I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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