She said her name was "party"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
