I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
