I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
