Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
