You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Acid is not a monday night drug
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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