lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
