you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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