Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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