I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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