I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
