I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
