Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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