Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
