Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
