I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
