Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
