I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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