I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
