weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
