remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
