So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
