i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
