i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
