I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
