The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
