i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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