He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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