she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
