12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
