His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
