I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I think your dad took our porno
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
