I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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