well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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