he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
