I think my fart just growled at me.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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