i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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